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W. Michael Johnson's avatar

I am doing this from memory, so I might make a mistake, but ... nah. The power of rhyme, when combined with juvenile contempt for educators' shibboleths,* left this 65-year-old MAD masterpiece firmly stamped into my brain:

I think that I shall never hear

A poem lovely as a beer

With golden base and snowy cap

The kind that Joe's Bar has on tap

...

Poems are made by fools, I fear

But only Schlitz can make a beer

And in honor of the Stupor Bowl, I give you one of MAD's "fight songs for small colleges." In this case, the cheer for the Craps Team (tune of "On, Wisconsin):

On, you shooters

On, you shooters

Get down on your knees

Roll a seven

Or eleven

But not boxcars, please

(Or snake-eyes)

Show your class, boys

Make 'em pass, boys

And you'll hear us shout!

And we'll keep on shouting

'til you all Crap Out.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

*"Trees" was crap to begin with.

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Kurt Busiek's avatar

One of my favorites was the Schaefer jingle:

Schaefer -- is the -- one beer to have

When you’re having more than one

Schaefer -- pleasure -- doesn’t fade

Even when your thirst is done.

The most rewarding flavor

In this man’s world

For people who are having fun

Schaefer -- is the -- one beer to have

When you’re having more … than … one!

The jingle writer, Robert E. Swanson, had noted in the market research that Schaefer Beer was most often purchased by drinkers "about to enter a substantive drinking experience."

In other words, it was cheap, so you could drink a lot of it.

And he set that message to music and made it actually sound good.

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