Absolutely no April Fools' jokes here

Instead: Two silly-but-true baseball stories (with branding angles, naturally) plus the annual observance of St. Stupid's Day.

Some pig!

And some humorless humans: To understand this story, you need to know that for more than three decades the St. Paul (Minnesota) minor-league baseball team, the Saints, has employed pigs — yes, pigs — to deliver baseballs and water to home-plate umpires, and every year the team picks a punny name for that season’s ballpig from hundreds of fan submissions. This year’s winning name was OzemPig, a nod to the fashionable diabetes and weight-loss drug Ozempic. This choice offended a bunch of easily offended people who accused the team of — wait for it — “body shaming.” The Star Tribune reported: “More than 160 folks commented on Instagram alone, where responses ranged from ‘this is not funny’ to ‘big swing and a miss,’ and pledges from some to sit out the team's home games this season.” Past ballpig names have included Pablo Pigasso, Boarack Obama, Squealon Musk, and — in 2017, the year of the “alternative facts”¹ presidential inauguration — Alternative Fats. (Hat tip: Mark Prus)

Via Milb.com

Oatly at the bat

More minor-league baseball news: Oatly, which makes oat-derived dairy alternatives and which is based in Malmö, Sweden, last week announced an unusual sponsorship deal with Minor League Baseball (MiLB) in the United States. From the press release:

All of MiLB’s already existing 120 teams will each play one game this season as the Oat Milkers – making the Oat Milkers more than just the 121^st team of MiLB, but also an occasion for players to wear non-generic, but also non-outlandish pink accented jerseys for nine entire innings.

I have long been a non-fan of Oatly’s snarky-shruggy marketing — see this 2018 post on my old blog — but I confess I found this goofy gesture kind of endearing. Obviously, so did MiLB. Also from the press release:

“When Oatly asked us if they could create a new team, we initially just laughed and hoped they would give up on it,” said Uzma Rawn, Major League Baseball’s Senior Vice President, Global Corporate Partnerships. “Ultimately, we couldn’t say no to their Swedish charm and the convincing arguments they made for head-scratching antics and out-of-the-carton ideas — and the chance to introduce umlauts to baseball fans across the country.”

Malmö Oat Milkers uniform

The universal holiday

It may be April Fools’ Day (or Poisson d’Avril) where you live, but here in San Francisco April 1 is St. Stupid’s Day, celebrated since the late 1970s with a parade, confetti, costumes, and high-spirited mockery of the financial establishment. St. Stupid’s Day is the sole High Holy Day of the First Church of the Last Laugh, whose founder and chief eminence is Bishop Joey, aka Ed Holmes. “Our religion is based on the DNA that we share with all humanity,” Holmes/Joey told SFGate in 2022. “Seven and half billion people share a little link, and that is a stupid gene. Everybody’s a member of the church, they just don’t know it.” The parade begins at noon at the foot of Market Street and winds through the Financial District; there’s a sock exchange at the Pacific Stock Exchange, a coin toss at the “Banker’s Heart” sculpture (official name: “Transcendence”) in front of the building formerly known as Bank of America Center², and other assorted zaniness. Maybe this will be the year I finally participate!

“Banker’s Heart”

1. There is a Seattle band called Alternative Facts whose members wrote and recorded a song called “Short-Fingered Vulgarian” (see footnote #2).

2. BofA moved its headquarters to Charlotte, North Carolina, in 1998; the building is now known by its address, 555 California. It is partially owned by short-fingered vulgarian and scofflaw Donald J. Trump, who may need those pennies you toss at the sculpture.